MY BLOG HAS MOVED!!!!

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO READ MY NEW BLOG.

THANK YOU!!!

XOXO,

MICHELLE

I Love California

BEWARE!

OF VAN BANDITS.
EEEEEEEEEEK!

WASTED DAYS, SIGHS AND WAY TOO MUCH SLEEP

I wish things were easier.
Easy like we look back and think high school was.
I mean. Looking back. It did seem SO much easier.
But you know.
Damn.
This shit's never been easy.
Never will be.
Why oh why can't we have some sort of distance from the here and now?
Well, I guess the point is to be present.
But to reminisce has always been so much warmer and and lighter and full of love.

SIGH!

AHHHH. NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE SUMMER HEAT BESIDE A POOL. THE DAVID LYNCH LIGHT BLUE SKY, THE WHITE CLOUDS OF CALM AND MANICURED GREENERY. I LOVE LOS ANGELES. I LOVE CALIFORNIA. GOD DAMN, I'M LIVING FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE!

OH, WAIT!!!

I JUST REMEMBERED. I REALIZED. IT'S LIKE THIS: LOVE MATTERS ABOVE ALL ELSE. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ROMANTIC LOVE, SPECIFICALLY. I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVE. FRIENDSHIP. COMPANIONSHIP. CAMARADERIE!!!

IT HAPPENED

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING.


HOW'D I GET SO FAR AND AWAY FROM MYSELF?

THERE IS SO MUCH MYSTERY LEFT IN ME THAT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW

THE WOODS, THEIR BEAUTY AND THEIR DANGER

WE WALKED WE TALKED WE SHARED A BIT WE WENT SOLO WE PAIRED OFF, JOINED BACK UP. THE MOOD WAS LOW, INTROSPECTIVE YET GENUINE. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? TARANTULA SPOTTING. EEK!!!!!!!!!!

NO AGE NO AGE NO AGE!!!!!!!!!!

No Age played the Getty. How wild is that. Ah, the ageless. I love it. Love it. Love it. The suits were bummed. Spinners in full force waiting for the DJ to come back on and all the teenagers from Echo Park rushed the stage for No Age!!!

WADING NOT DROWNING

Dark times but I'm staying on the side of the golden light.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS...

I'm back. I've missed you. I guess I run to you when I'm hurt. And you're always here for me and you always let me in. Thank you so much. I want you to know, that no matter what happens, no matter how difficult or how scary, I will always choose love.

ROAD TRIP ACROSS AMERICA

Summer Rolls Into Fall

Best Summer Ever

Ooooo. have you been to the Kern River? Just outside of Bakersfield. 110 degrees. a wild river raging through the woods for miles. Greg and I went camping there last weekend. We stopped for a couple of round inner-tubes then went on our way, past the sign that warned "250 dead do not go in river" and found his secret camping spot. The rest of the day was spent laughing wildly, running up the river to throw ourselves in with our floaty things. oh boy this is the place to be i'm telling you.

that night after our campfire we walked to the edge of the river and stared at the sky. there was not a place you could jab at the sky without hitting a star. people should really turn out more lights around here and ride more bikes so we can see the stars. they are incredible!!! The next day after more tubing we drove to the lake and rode jetskies like wild maniacs then went back to the river where greg jumped off of a 15 foot cliff.

It was sad to leave. we will return!!!!

Summertime Rolls

BBQ's beer and good people.
Greg, come home i miss you!!!

Rockinroll Robin, Brandi and JEHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jello Shoz. Yeah!!!
They were green. and very very strong.
Brandi circled the party, spooning the jello into everyone's mouths (with the same spoon) over and over until it was gone. No exceptions! I tried to hide behind Robin at one point but Brandi sensed it and force fed me more jello.
Jared flat out said, no. uh-uh. i just did one.
but no one else managed to decline.
Delicious and fun!!!

Clouds!!!
Hang out!!!


See you next time.

sad enraged and internally violent

I've been feeling this way all week. Enraged anger and intense sadness. to call it depression would be too pathetic. it's more dangerous than that. more mysterious. yes this is laughable. i understand this too. its complex feeling like dying and wanting nothing more than to live. maybe i want to live much harder much faster than this life i feel stuck in. this perspective thats strapped to my head with no strength to cut it off. dark dreams have been circling my psyche upon waking for months, leaving me alone and disturbed. those who love me say its just another phase, that it will pass. and theyre right. it passes for a few moments only to come back again, sometimes longer and the highest clarity i attain is this ever burning juvienille question, why? why why why and for what what what? especially when it feels so bad. then when it feels good the questions lay off for awhile.

the hills are on fire

It's unbearably hot. the los angeles skyline is streaked with wide stripes of dirty lavender haze.
I actually was planning on hiking today. but now my trail is burning up burning up.
the end of the world is near. i wonder if we will create homes under the sea. what's next after humans are gone? in the future they will have museums of humans just like we have of dinosaurs. I hope they think of me like a T Rex. Ferocious with very sharp fangs.

SXSW 2007

120 days

More to follow...............................................................................................................................................

through the desert to the snow

Last weekend i rode in a car with my new friend Flo, to Mammoth to shoot a very small, very cool wedding. It was in a chalet, a mansion of a log cabin really. Amazing champagne, wine and food and the best people around really...except gregs wasn't there and he's my favorite. Snowboarded for 2 days in the fresh crisp mountains. i ripped around so fast through the trees i felt so incredibly free. Sometimes city life traps me but the mountains bring me back to life. Four of us in the wedding party went out on a hot tub break-in mission which proved successful. icicles 5 feet long ready to spear anything that stood too still. i kept moving, as fast as possible in the slowest place and we caught up, me and the real things in life.

Happy New Year!

Christmas 2006. San Juan Island, Washington. So so cold. so gloomy. There was one store open, "The Little Store" so I could buy candy, coffee and eventually beer. In between all the consumption, i walked from my parents house to the little store and back, taking photos, my torn california converse getting very very wet and cold resulting in hypothermia of the toes. BUT, I am now back in Los Angeles and my life could not possibly be more awesome. Greg rules. Diaz is kicking ass with her clothesline (Barneys just bought like 500 pieces) http://www.clotheslinediaz.com, I got to see my good friend Travis when I was on the island and lets just say he's got some big ideas in the works. I missed Ann. I miss Ann. Maja has a baby who can say my name. Elisa and KB are having their birthday tonight, Cynthia is playing the banjo...I am dancing a lot and laughing with Greg...what else? I love all my friends and this is going to be the best year yet. Please hold off on plastic bags and driving too much. I want to live to be 100.

Georgeee!

I was only getting to know Georgeee when he moved away. I really like him. Gregs misses him terribly. Oh Georgeee, you are awesome. Come visit.

They took me to the place I belong

The Living Sisters at Arthur Nights, downtown Los Angeles, October 2006

Angels in Paris

Scott and I met up with four girls from San Francisco. Three of them knew each other, one of them had been living there for a couple of years and had never met any of us but was friends with Scott. I had never met any of them.

We quickly formed a gang, dining, dancing and drinking together. Laughing through the parisian downpour. A couple of us went to Le Baron, apperently the A list hotspot, though we did not agree. An overweight over the hill female version of eminem "rapped" and flicked her wrist to the beat in her camo hotpants and baseball cap. Once she was thru, I jumped over couches grinded the wall and danced to Justin Timberlake's horrible new hit "Sexy Back" What?!? Fun is sometimes just funny.

Rachel who has been living in Paris for a couple of years now told me about an underground goth club in the bastille district. I said we must go. We ducked into a bathroom and painted our eyes with black shadow then ran through the dark alleys through the rainy night to the mysterious entrance to this club. We descended the stairs and entered the underground dungeon. The music was fantastic - Joy Division, Depeche Mode, the birthday party, bauhaus. The people were over the top from mohawks and seethru platform shoes to this guy i met in the bathroom. Baggy leather pants, mesh top, cowboy top hat, marilyn manson style albino contact lenses and...BLACK FEATHER WINGS!!!!!!! In my drunken state I HAD to try them on. Rachel documented it. Click on the photo for a larger view.

The secret forest 8 minutes outside of LA...

We hiked for hours hopped over rocks balanced on fallen tree bridges until we found what we were looking for.
The swimming hole under the waterfall!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We skinny dipped like hippies, giggled and turned somersaults under water.
Very, very refreshing!

i know it's been too long...

please don't lose hope my friends, i love you all!
i have taken to coupleness and then isolation and now maybe i'm back on track?
life has been moving so fast. my car slipped out from under my feet and crashed into another car.
i got caught drinking a beer out of a plastic cup on a beach and the man gave me a big fat ticket.
his belt buckle fell off as he was writing my ticket and he sure was bewildered.
i worked my witchy on him, that's it.
then we went to the woods and drank under a tree like high schoolers to really stick it to the man!!!
we can do whatever we want, see!!!!!
I'm still laughing, don't worry. and next weekend i go to Chicago to see BIG BLACK! and SHELLAC!!! and THREE MILE PILOT!!! and my favorite, Greg, is coming with!!!
Then, just 5 days later, i depart for Paris, at once, finally now, i will be like AMILEE!!!
oh yeah, and i've got like 5 photos in the new Anthem Magazine and i really like them.
p.s. check out Batki's butt in the photo above.

real real

He said I don't need a dream girl - I've got a real one. What about you?
I was chopping tomatoes. He was to the right of me, looking at me as I looked at my tomatoes.
Without hesitation, I nodded my head up and down and said mmm hmmm.
YOU.
He laguhed a bit. and asked, and before we met?
mmm hmmm.
You.
He made this little sound this half laugh this half realization disbelief and belief.
You sound so sure.
Still intently chopping I replied.
I am.

The goodtimes kid!

We love good times! Went to the Little Radio Warehouse in the crack district downtown. Adults everywhere laughing and playing on air filled bouncy rooms, slip n slides and kiddy pools. Guzzled guiness, talked laughed, and watched bands play. Diaz Quesadillaz crazy crazy dancing legs! I love her!

The best summer ever is here...for real this time.

I lost my favorite coat, as I do at the beginning of every summer, like a tradition. And every summer before I lose my coat I say, this is going to be THE BEST SUMMER EVER!!! Last year it turned out to be a bust. It took me until well into the winter to find a coat i liked again: the childs coat. Well this year, I lost my coat and it was found the very next day. The signs say, this is the best summer ever, FOR REAL this time. It all kicked off this weekend when we swam in the lagoon up at the castle in the hills. See the smiles?!!!


Greg was the life of the party with all his pool games. He swan dove and back flipped onto floaty mats. I even tried it and landed it too!!! He led the way in a contest of running across three floaty mats in the pool.


We raced. We ran. we laughed splashed and swam. Stayed under water for almost 2 minutes at a time.


We told stories barbequed and really lived the high life with some high life in our hands.


Life has truly never been better.

The warehouse was hot, people were wearing leg warmers on their heads and arms.

We laughed and danced and decided to leave. Walked through the humid night feeling high on fire with life.

Ended up at the practice space - not mine but his. We recorded a song. It was fun not serious and honestly I have never felt so free.

With nowhere to settle,

We climbed a staircase above the sea that led to a house not yet built. Took the ladder to the second story everything bare balsam wood color. Crashes from below the view went forever. Faces turned towards, turned away, we walked to the edge, dangled feet over and everything was both wild and calm. at the same time.

I recieved a letter from Paris

from my friend Scott. He wrote about the state of the human condition.
"...they crawl over each other. always on top of one another as if there was a top to get to...me, ME, I am not headed to the top but the BOTTOM. The bottom of me that is. I want to get down to what it is that ailes me. makes me..."
the thing is, i feel just the same.

He had never heard Spiderland

So we listened to the record in its entirety in silence together.

Paint the whole world blue...

To keep the tears from stinging

Sometimes it just hurts so deep and so mysteriously and so out of nowhere that i am left blank and empty
but i always shake it

I cannot take any more hearts breaking

Not mine not yours not anyones.
Not one more fake friend not any more pretend love.
We need to stop believing in people that never make more of their words than their words.

oh lil karen

she is full of sunshine

and goodness.

Let's Celebrate

Our pure wildness.
We love life.

and we are free as free can be.

I've been living in a dream world. Not the dream I want it to be but checking out of reality. Day by day the days fly by. From time to time I think what would i be doing today if I knew tomorrow was my last? I think there are so many things to do to see to be - I couldn't possibly choose just one. But not one of those things have I done today. And day by day the days fly by.

happy easter.

Hanson and Karen and I could not be a more fun crowd.

and that's all there is to it.

Baviente!!!

I know I know, it's been so long. As you can see, I am still holding on to my time in Austin!!! But there is relevence in the present. Last Friday night I wanted to go out to this rockinroll party at a warehouse in downtown LA but none of my friends wanted to go. Thanks guys!!! For some reason, here in my own city, I feel awkward about being seen alone at night. I know it's silly so spare me your eye rolling. Maybe it's because everywhere I look I see couples and party dudes and here I am, a lone party dude. I mean, I've got friends!

But I want adventure and new people new places with or without my comrades. I want to be traveling even if it's in my own city. Remember Holly go-lightly? Her mailbox read: Holly go-lightly: traveling. Yeah. Me too!!! It's a state of mind, don't you know? You gotta just break out!!! So I told my mind, remember SXSW! Remember Austin! I had massive victories in Austin. Look at all my new buddies I made in a record breaking 4 days! These are quality people! Jesse Locks of literary fame, Rockinroll Robin, Kristien Z the artist scholar and Phaedra the architect!!! So full circle, I went to the party alone and immediately met up with a couple of friends. Smiles and laughs, good good fun.

Austin, Texas

Austin was the best, so truly so. All the new people in all the crazy fashions.

New friends, new fun, everyone was simply buuuudy.

Hey buuuudy this

and hey buuuudy that.

There were old signs there were dilapitated buildings.

A cab driver who sang and waved his arms in the air to the song "I'm in loooove with a stripper", shouting the words "She rockin' she rollin' she climbin' that pole 'n" Truly unbelievable. Thrift shopping was swift, cheap and complete. Haircut was #1. Locals, friendly as can be and cool at that. SoCo was Austin's little Sunset Junction. 6th Ave. was like Melrose but nightlife, not shopping. Neat little bicyclists carting laughing drunks a block or two for a donation. Editors slayed like never before.



Echo and the Bunnymen wooed my blue heart, The Magic Numbers made me dance and sing like I lived in a forest carefree as all can be. Stone cold foxes right and left. And just a general great times feeling in the air. Thank you world. I needed that.

I have a burning desire to run free

Yesterday I gave an out of town stranger a ride to his destination. We talked about nothing the whole way there. As he held his hand up in a wave goodbye he said to me, "Don't let work steal your mind." What a salute.

walked on a tidal wave. laughed in the face of a brand new day.

i did. and Echo and the Bunnymen blew on my heart calmly like a wished on dandelion. that careless handclap ian threw out twice, daring us to save his life we swung our arms up and beat our hands together our insides screaming with want for his lack of it. a million cigarettes smoked from him, a trillion sighs from us. i melted under the moon.

time to stop all of this crying o o o o

I ate a big ole steak last night, for free and took AJ with me. We actually had a good time. It was at McCormick and Shmick's, downtown. An old people fancy place which equals funny lame trying to be fancy with un-heartwrenching sax solos. Like dining in a big elevator. They boast a club-like atmosphere with dark cherry wood booths. I had 2 coupons for $20 off that I got from Alaska airlines when I flew home for Christmas. Trick is, you have to use them at separate tables. So I told the matriD we wanted 2 back to back booths please. We each sat at the seat closest to each other with our backs against the wall so really it was like we were sitting at the same table. I giggled hilariously until the waiter moved us to the same table and agreed to honor our coupons anyway. Continuing to laugh out of control I told AJ that if I didn't look, act, and feel like a teenager this would just be white trash. But thinking it funny as a young person would, slurping down a shirley temple, I got away with it and ate a big ole steak for free. And AJ got fish.

Fire walk with me fire let me go

I can't shake this heavy heart but these tough blues have got to let loose.
I wished on an eyelash, why isn't it working?

The light on the other side of town

By good fortune well deserved, Dave and Evah stay at this house that overlooks the ocean in Santa Monica. It is among mansions and a eucalyptus forest. The wind blows cold but the sun is always shining. It's like a small town near San Francisco. They paint outside surrounded by squirrels and 10 different types of trees, palm trees mixing in like it's Jurrassic Park and all the while the ocean sparkles blindingly. Every time I visit they cook me food and give me coffee, tea, ice cream. We walk down to the beach talking endlessly and watch the sun set with hoodies on as the fleeting day falling night freezes us out. We work out the what if's and the what keeps us going's. We laugh and yell and run through the streets, exploring. They welcome me longer than I feel I can stay. We work out the world together and things seem okay.

i wanna be 1x1 with you oo oo.

this loneliness is dark and intense.
it feels endless but i know it will pass.

I am more than I can handle

I need to get up out of this but it is proving to be really, really difficult.


Trouble is, no one seems to know how real this is, including me.


I am beginning to realize that I cannot do this alone.

We laugh so much

at 7 in the morning. The end of the world club continues. We are training to be unstoppable. That's the goal. This 80 degree winter is magical and frightening like all things i enjoy.

ubbitybubbity izzo!

This has been the best weekend ever. Saturday end of the world club with Hanson in Temescel Canyon. Photos with Aidan. Art show with AP, Kb was there. Some great work. Then an epic sess. of 24. Dreamt that I was trapped in a movie theater with a friend and everyone was slowly turning into bloodsucking zombies. We had to kill them off with guns. It was terrifying. We survived. This morning Hanson called we went end of the world clubbing again to the top of Griffith Park. Got lost, got tired scaled trails off the beaten path. I talked up a storm and she said "it is" in a reply that didn't match up. I was like "what?" ubbittybubbity izzo! Then saw teenage teardrops. he made me delicious coffee. Then went to Dave and Evah's. Their place is right by the beach, beautiful, and much like a Jurrassic park or King Kong landscape. They are two of the most fantastic people I know. I enjoy their company so much and I enjoy my own company when I am with them. Ubbitybubbitty izzo!!!

i want the world and i want it now

Calmly and fiercely.

A rare duo

It began in the EP with a former cop car, burning eyeballs, and kday back in the day. I spotted an escaped balloon, one of my favorite sights and this time we tracked the origin. Chinatown. Dragonfest. Cali spoke of something he loved so much he cried happy tears. I love happy tears.



Got some sunglasses to cure the burning eyeballs, mine complete with rhimestones. Hungry already, we ate Ramen at Mr. Ramen. Then coffee, smokes and a soft spoken homeless man advising Cali how to caress a hand. It was odd. We sat by the Freemont Little Tokyo statue. Someone tried to steal it's statue checkbook. Obviously it didn't work out.



Then, we went to the gun range. On the paperwork, I checked the box entitled novice and put down my thumb print. I promised not to be mentally ill or under any influence. With my word, they gave me a semi-automatic 9mm handgun, some ear muff things and some clear plastic shop glasses. Cali and I entered the shooting range area. I did not expect a hallway of openness between shooters. It would be real easy for someone to open fire. These thoughts crossed my mind. I entered my weird stall thing, aimed at the target and fired. The gun almost flew out of my hand, flames shot out of the thing, and boy was it loud. WOW. I was suddenly incredibly frightened. It was not easy but it got better. I disarmed my targets by shooting the gun out of their hands. Cali straight up cold blooded killed them with crotch shots and brain blowouts.



The possibility of death was constant and bright. It's the bullets that terrify me. One wrong move and time will not ever be able to fix things.



Cali was pleased with his days work. He bought an LA Gun Club sweatshirt and took his annialated target home.



When we left the sky had changed. The weather cooled. The light was golden. We were full of victory, of overcoming overwhelming fear. We laughed, smoked, and skated it off. We needed something lighter. A new mission for sweets at Clifton's began. I devoured gooey strawberry pie and Cali cleaned a vanilla pudding cup.



Complete but not wanting the adventure to end we pushed on. A man on the street yelled about Jesus saving sinners. Another man sauntered past me whispering "Jesus saves sinners and I'm the worst sinner of all" topped off with a little whisper growl and that was that. The Golden Hearts MEETS Teenage Teardrops for the first time.
http://teenageteardrops.abstractdynamics.org

The Golden Hearts MEETS Teenage Teardrops

The adventures of Cali and Shelley.
The rest goes up tonight.

The good always comes around

We are full of life and we do everything we can. Sometimes the slow progress slips the now right out from under us and we wish on eyelashes, stars and weeds.

I saved a man's wallet from being pillaged and for that he wouldn't leave me alone. Two cretainly not straight men had to jump in and for some reason try to put the moves on us. Then two more randoms challenged us to foosball. My friend called me Melissa and I called her Ashley. We lost but laughed and left, no ones feelings hurt. She dropped me off at home and I pretended to go inside the building but once she pulled away I booked it up the street to the video store and rented yet another 4 episodes of 24.
I can't be stopped. Don't even try. Deception, deception but I AM NOT SORRY!!!

Today I leave my house for the first time in days. I am looking forward to it, yet weary still from the mysterious illness. I've been watching the show 24 nonstop - to the point where I feel like Agent Bauer is my right hand man and we are going to save the world. I never watch tv and rarely dvd's - this is why 24 has managed to overtake my reality. 4 hours straight through. I fidget, twitch, squirm in my seat and switch sides of the couch but I cannot stop watching. Bauer is my hero. I saw the actor who plays him once on the street outside my apartment. It was a rainy night. A Sunday night. The one night of the week you are guaranteed to only find freaks on the street. I had my hoodie up my head down my fast walk going. There was not but one lone figure out. He stood outside Bar Vermont - a place I've never stepped foot in even though I've lived right across from it for 4 1/2 years now. He stood there silently, taking in the night with a smoke. I sauntered past thinking, damn, Agent Bauer. He's the shit.

1234 down for the count...

I've been down for the 1234 with some mysterious illness. Today the fantastic and always shining Erock sent me this photo of myself posing next to Willie. I know like I look I think I'm too cool for school, but really, it's cause Willie tricked me once again and I just couldn't believe it. No matter how sober I am when I walk into the bar I always do a triple take on Willie. He looks so real sticking out inches from the wall, yet he blends when you look long enough...Well, gotta get back to Winged Migration.

Solo missions...

More and more I've been embarking on solo missions and having a grand time. Last night I saw baby Kelly and her band Gods Gang play at spaceland. They slayed with space sounds and bright flashing lights. 3 men from the valley were impressed. I'm not sure they were from the valley but Baby Kelly said they had foreign accents and I thought it's gotta be NOHO. They explained that they went to the show on a whim. Instead of going to a tv taping they thought they'd swing by some live music and they were pleased they did and I was pleased for them. After Gods Gang (probably the best band name I've heard in years), I went to the Cha Cha to bro down with Teenage Teardrops, high five AJ, and challenge Ingrid to a game of Foosball to which we were both rooks and she emerged a CHAMPION!

Going for it

I'm goin' for it.
You should too.
Scott says what have you got to lose if you haven't got what you want to begin with?
Going going going for it.

Woke up at 7 am today, how proud i was!!! to go on a great 2 hour hike with the awesome AP. Bronson Canyon, clear view, good stuff. spoke and spoke, got me feeling golden. worked the day job. now it's all solitude and records. sigh.

There's something about this place that feels eternal. The seasons so mild, almost stops me from aging. Dreams so strong possibilities so endless. This crazy wind is kicking up and I feel content, yet energized, and tired too. The wind is whipping memories into the air. something big has happened. something big will happen. i am ready for everything and anything but most of all change. Maybe most of all a change of mind. My friends have really been here for me lately. I need them so much.

So far, so good...

I've walked past this old greek man almost every day for the last 4 1/2 years. He stands on his front porch grinning away at the world, staring at the sky and waving at the people who walk by. I always shout hi-iii! and he always says, Hello pretty girl! How are you? I say good, and you? and everytime he replies so far so good, hahahaha chuckling away. It's a pretty good way to look at it I guess.

the real mean reds the tough tough blues

I am so hard on myself.
I wish I wasn't.
Guess I need to let go let god, don't i?

2006 !

2006 is gonna be the best year ever yet.
2006 is my year!
Erock, KB, and Baby Kelly all said so and i was thinking so too.
wooo hoooo!

Fancy Footwork

Ahhhh jeez. I had so much fun again tonight i'm on some crazy goodtimes streak!!! Really. Wow. Editors once again! This band! They make me alive! Fancy footwork and swinging arms! I knocked a beer right out of frankie chans hands (sorry). Baby Kelly was in full on smile mode and we squeeled at the editors we squeeled in the smoking room when Kelly Clarkson came on! We clutched our fists and flung them around as we screamed "SINCE U BEEN GO-ONE!!!!" fucking a idon'tcare if that's top 40 that shit. It rocks my insides.
goodnight.

Editors!!!!!! the band!!!!! they SLAYED it!

holy hell the band editors killed it so hard tonight. they like rocked so tough dead things died over and over and alive things lived their moments longer than the world allows moments like these to last. i love this band. the people in it are real real nice and they have serious presence. i mean slayingly rockinest really doing it for me presence. FUCK YES! I wish you all could've been there to witness this to feel what i felt. but alas, we are all alone together.

I am retarded. (no offense to those of you who've been diagnosed)

I really am. When I get really excited about something, that's when it happens. I FULLY spin out of control. Goofballs or whatever, it's like my energy overtakes me and I become completely out of control. Like a puppy who takes off running as fast as they can go but haven't yet learned how to put on the brakes. I wonder what this looks like to other people because for me, I feel super high but in a how-did-i-get high when I wasn't ready for it kind of way. I got dosed. How do the rest of you people out there stay charmingly calm? Today I got my first real photo job for an actually good magazine and the assignment was to shoot a band I LOVE - Editors is their name. It was a very last minute call. The magazine said things like "I didn't know you were in the game" and "thanks for jumping on board." Anyway, I had so much fun and the band were lovely people and it made me spin out because I was so excited to shoot photos of them. Jeez. I had such a good day.
photos coming soon.

Harmless Monsters.

These little guys were looking out the window longingly, hands and arms waving, clawing at the screen with want.
They had just been bathed in Arlie's kitchen sink. I only know this because he said I must take one with me and I said, but they're diiiir-ty! He said in his calm low voice, no, I've just washed them.
So I took a naked one, naked but for a once white cape. Gold stripes on either side. He has one red eye and puffy grey white hair. his arms perpetually outstretched in this way that cries, "wait! take me with you!" so i did.
Lil underdog.

Enthusiasm.

Let's dance forever and never ever get jaded.

Survival.

Northwest Washington State.
One of the few things I enjoy about traveling to my past is a stop at the holiday market. it's my secret spot. i've never told anyone about this little love of mine. It perfectly illustrates a place i had no place in and i love it now for that reason - i absolutely do not belong. Memories - cold cans of shmidt being snatched up and swilled at 8 am. customers with missing teeth preparing to go 3-wheeling through shrubbery. that's a day in the life. the thing i love most about this memory lane is the overwhelming access to anything camoflauge. not just the usual camo coat, camo hat, camo overalls. nope, they've got more. camo ceiling fans, camo night lights, camo light switch covers (wait, camo doesn't actually blend inside of a house, only in the woods...power in a tree house?)

Alive.

Thanksgiving. Hanson and I escaped by car north to san francisco, mill valley, big sur, cocktails at the madonna inn. We found a funky motel in sf in the tenderloin and walked through seas of crackheads on a mission for whiskey, pizza, and freedom. we found it. bought flowers the next day to bring to thanksgiving dinner with Aidan, Palo, Aleve but the arrangement was hideous complete with a large pineapple centerpiece. i tried to fix it and made it worse. determined to make use of them i took them with us from sf to big sur and braved heavy winds toting these flowers through the woods and across the sandy beach, sandy windy sand desperately trying to scratch my eyeballs out. It was cold as hell. Aleve had ear muffs. we huddled on rocks, the 5 of us and stared at the ocean. I was hoping to plant the flowers in the woods. to photograph their buriel in the last hours of life. never happened. it isn't easy being avant garde.

Happiness rules.

Evah! Dinner party at Evah and Dave's. Wine, smokes, laughter. Friends and strangers. Fresh night air swept us up and ran us to the beach falling over each other drunk with full moon and electric youth unstoppable. The waves crashed neon blue the sand sparked when kicked. Unbelievable a rare night 3 of us stripped bare dove into the cold cold cold sea while 4 others waded in over their heads. Fuck we were free.